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Characters from Fiction

All I know about music is that not many people ever really hear it.
—Sonny’s brother, “Sonny’s Blues,” James Baldwin


Comedy is the public version of a private darkness.
—Andre Parent, My Secret History, Part V, Chapter 7, Paul Theroux

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
—Dread Pirate Roberts, The Princess Bride, William Goldman


Man likes to create and to clear paths—that is undeniable. But why is he so passionately fond of chaos?
—Unnamed protagonist in “Notes from the Underground” 124


What the head brands as shameful may appear as sheer beauty to the heart.
—Dmitry Fyodorovich Karamazov, The Brothers Karamazov, Part One, Book III, Chapter 3


With the thoughts I’d be thinkin’
I could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain
—Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz


You’ll believe in more than that before I’m finished with you.
—Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz


The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
—Hobbs, Calvin and Hobbes


Oh, Kitty, how nice it would be if we could only get through into Looking Glass House! I’m sure it’s got, oh! such beautiful things in it!
—Alice,Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll


All you can do is lose your temper 
When reason-hungry mortals ask for reasons.
Job’s wife, “A Masque of Reason” Robert Frost

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What a joke life is, if you take it seriously,
—Stranger, The Road to Damascus, Act III, scene iii, August Strindberg


If you can touch the clocks and never start them, then you can start the clocks and never touch them. That’s logic, as I know and use it.
—The Golux, The Thirteen Clocks, James Thurber


Reason is the lie, the balm we apply.
—Mack Malloy, Pleading Guilty Scott Turow


The math says yes, but the mind boggles.
—Zachaias, The Lion’s Way, Marco Marsan and Peter Lloyd


There is a concatenation of all events in the best of possible worlds; for, in short, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for the love of Miss Cunegund; had you not been put into the Inquisition; had you not traveled over America on foot; had you not run the Baron through the body; and had you not lost all your sheep, which you brought from the good country of El Dorado, you would not have been here to eat preserved citrons and pistachio nuts.
—Pangloss, Candide, Chapter 30, Voltaire


No! Why preach against passions? Aren’t they the only beautiful thing in this world, the source of heroism, enthusiasm, poetry, music, the arts, everything?
Rodolphe Boulanger, Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert


Figure it out. Work a lifetime to pay off a house. You finally own it and there’s no one to live in it.
—Willy Loman, Death of a Salesman, Arthur Miller


You began life by accepting everything, then went on to denying everything on principle. Now end your life by comprehending.
—Melcher, The Road to Damascus, Act IV, scene ii, August Strindberg


A fire drill does not demand a fire.
Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

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I am very ignorant, sir, but I am contented with my ignorance...
—Cacambo, Candide, Chapter 18, Voltaire


I’m seeking death without the need to die.
—Stranger, The Road to Damascus, August Strindberg


Make sure you’re right, then go ahead.
—Davy Crockett


Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else—and it hasn’t—it’s that girls should stick to girl’s sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons


We are the dreamers of dreams.
—Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Leslie Bricusse


To love is an active verb and woman’s a passive noun.
—Stranger, The Road to Damascus, Act III, scene iii, August Strindberg


Go—not knowing where. Bring—not knowing what. The path is long, the way unknown.
—Russian Fairy Tale


Music is none of my business.
Marge Simpson, The Simpsons


Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
—Wizard of Oz, The Wizard of Oz


I do nothing that a man of unlimited funds, superb physical endurance, and maximum scientific knowledge could not do.
Batman


I believe that man is above all a creative animal...
—Unnamed protagonist in “Notes from the Underground” 123

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Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
—Poor Richard, Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin


Try? There is not try. There is only do or not do.
Yoda


Contrariwise... If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.
—Tweedledee
Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll


Thinking’s a dizzy business, a matter of catching as many of those foggy as you can and fitting the together the best you can.
—The Detective, The Dain Curse, Dashiell Hammett, Ch. 19, “The Degenerate”


There are only two sources of human vice—idleness and superstition, and only two virtues—activity and intelligence.
—Prince Nicholas Andreevich, War and Peace, Lev Tolstoy


People who don’t need a lock are lucky, aren’t they?
—Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov, Crime and Punishment, Part IV, Chapter 4, Fyodor Dostoyevski


Coercion is the least efficient means of obtaining order.
—Shevek, Ursula K. Le Guin, 1974


People may be moved by words and ideas, but it takes example to make them follow.
—Yeshua, The Lion’s Way, Marco Marsan and Peter Lloyd


Evidence of goofiness is easily found; the more you dig into yourself, the more you turn up.
—The Detective, The Dain Curse, Dashiell Hammett, Ch. 19, “The Degenerate”


Every problem becomes very childish when once it is explained to you.
—Sherlock Holmes, “The Adventure of the Dancing Men,” Arthur Conan Doyle

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There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness.
—Ishmael, Moby Dick, Herman Melville


Oh, I takes dat gospel
Whenever it’s pos’ble,
But wid a grain of salt.
—Sportin’ Life, Porgy and Bess, Ira Gershwin and Dorothy Heyward


There is nothing certain, nothing at all except the unimportance of everything I understand, and the greatness of something incomprehensible but all-important.
—Prince Andrew Bolkonski, War and Peace, Lev Tolstoy


There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method.
—Ishmael, Moby Dick, Herman Melville


Doh!
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons


Yabba-dabba-do!
Fred Flintstone


No, I was born in disfavor, a stepchild of life; and I was pursued, hunted, in a word, cursed.
—Stranger, The Road to Damascus, August Strindberg


There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
—Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz


All perverted men are admirers of women.
—Lady, The Road to Damascus, August Strindberg

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To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.
—Satish Kuman, The Life of Pi, Yann Martel


The outcome of successful planning always looks like luck to saps.
—The Detective, The Dain Curse, Dashiell Hammett, Ch. 20, “The House in the Cove”


Drive thy business, let not that drive thee.
—Poor Richard, Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin


Destroy my desires, eradicate my ideal, show me something better, and I will follow you.
—Unnamed protagonist in “Notes from the Underground” 125


You must let yourself be fooled, more or less, to live at all.
—Lady, The Road to Damascus, August Strindberg


Well, it doesn’t matter where you’re from. It’s where you’re going that counts.
—Mayam, The Lion’s Way, Marco Marsan and Peter Lloyd


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