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After hearing my first and only CD, Jay Petach called and announced that he'd like to produce two of my songs and send them to Dr. Demento. I took Jay's request as a compliment and showed up at his Sound Images studio with my guitar, harmonica, and binder of songs.

We ended up recording 13 songs, some old, some new, one still in the process of being written. The first four went to the good doctor.

Last February, Gabrielle Fox emailed me  something called "King George's Theme Song," meant to be sung to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands."

Other versions of the lyric soon appeared in my inbox. Among them, the following, written by John Robbins of the Food Revolution, titled "If You Want to Be a Hero and Your IQ's Nearly Zero, Bomb Iraq."

I decided to make a more lyrical version of this effort and sent it to John Robbins. He was happy with it. Jay provided the crowd, kept them from rioting, and pretty much in tune.

3. Thomas Edison Blues  

A long time ago, I took a History of Broadcasting course taught by Jack Rouse at the University of Cincinnati College Conservatory of Music. Jack spent a good deal of time on the story of the great inventor Thomas Edison.

I went home after the Edison lesson and wrote the song. Most of it is true.

4. Skink the Lizard  

I've always wanted to write lyrics to Mozart's "Turkish Rondo." Working with my friend and colleague, Steve Grossman, on our book Animal Crackers, I fell in love with a little critter called the skink lizard and the wisdom of his cut-your-losses survival strategy.

To celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, Judith suggested we spend a day or two at the Sauerkraut Festival in Waynesville, Ohio. I researched the festival in order to surprise her with a song set at the festival. The song, I'm afraid, paints a picture of an event much more engaging than the actual festival. While throngs appear every year, we found miles of mediocre crafts booths, very little sauerkraut, and worst of all, no beer! We missed the antique car parade and found no polka band. 

Stay home and enjoy the lip-trombone kazoo duet.

6. Girls, Girls, Girls

I found inspiration for this song at the Sauerkraut Festival. Browsing books in an antique shop, I pulled out an old copy of Robin Hood. A previous owner had scribbled the names of several classmates on the back cover along with these lines:

Girls, girls, girls were made to love
Girls, girls, girls were made to love
Girls, girls, girls were made to love

How could I resist? The rest of the lyrics flowed like water.

7. Hole in My Head

Don't take my word for it. Look closely for the hole in the X-ray.

Someone's bound to ask the identity of the woman in the song. Don't worry about it. She knows who she is and her initials can be found in the skull.

8. Ahdoolak Fish Shuffle

Victor Harrison, my favorite songwriter, knows how to soften the bitter blows of love and life with songs simmered in his kidlike kettle of lyrical tomfoolery. I took his original version of this song, turned it around, and slipped in some words of advice.

My daughter Cathryn contributed the second line of the last verse. Thanks, Cat!

9. Rollin' Pin Woman

This song has been around since 1970. I still wonder how such an inexperienced young man managed to write it? I do recall that it owes its central image to Rudolf Dirk's Mama Katzenjammer.

Pardon my French.

10. Peggy Adler's Lament

My friend Katie Harper emailed me a poem making its rounds on the internet as a joke. Naturally I picked up on its heart-breaking undertones and bent it to the traditional melody, "Flow Gently, Sweet Afton," which I have as an ocarina solo by Jay Petach. Jay plays the mandolin on this version.

Katie won't know until she reads this how close she came to being immortalized in song, as it were. For some time I called the song "Katie Harper's Lament." At the last minute, I decided to spare her. Sorry, Peggy.

11. Banana Slug

The great balladeer, Walter Craft, introduced me to this song. He said it's traditional, that is, we don't know the author. I reworked it some and have used it as an ice breaker at the start of creativity seminars. I encourage participants to punch each other on the word "slug" at the end of each verse. Consider yourself encouraged to do the same.

12. She Used to…

Love doesn't always go bad, but when it does, it goes something like this number composed with Buck "Tiger by the Tail" Owens in mind.

13. Be Good to Your Shoes